#momproblems

I've read several articles recently that said if you want to be taken seriously, never use #momproblems...so of course, I thought it the perfect title...I'm feeling a little rebellious.

Yesterday was a long day. So long that I didn't have the energy to type this last night. One of these days I'm going to strap a go-pro on my forehead and document an entire day...on second thought...It would be traumatizing to watch that. Here's the run-down on a typical day (lately).

6:00 am up and at 'em (more like the living dead, sleep-walking to the kitchen to pour cup #1 of coffee)
6:15 a.m. Pull out boston butt, get it rub-a-dub-dubbed and in the smoker (prepping for the big River City Smokeoff happening this Friday in Columbus)

6:30 a.m. Kid #2 awake...no talking...breakfast
6:32 a.m. Kid #1 awake...drama...whining...breakfast
7:00 a.m. mickey mouse clubhouse/shower time
7:15 a.m. out of shower, my laptop is in the bathtub. interesting.
7:30 a.m. Kid #3 awake...happiest baby ever...but starving
8:00 a.m. See hubby off to work
                (school's out for summer...)
8:30 Call Staples and make sure their printers are back in service
9:00 a.m. Wrangle 3 kids into car sans shoes (they're in my luggage of a purse) and head to post office                   to track down lost package.
9:30 a.m. Still in post office with 3 kids. We're surviving. No luck finding package, sent to PO #2
9:45 a.m. PO #2 in line with three bored kids. Getting frustrated
10 a.m. Kid #2 playing the drums with his feet on the side of the counter. That's great.
10:30 a.m. Kid #2 pushes Kid #1 backwards into a mail bin. Boxes fly everywhere. Dirty looks from                    people who obviously have no children. Misery.
10:31 a.m. Public Service Announcement that we're leaving.
10:35 a.m. Mandatory Chick-fil-A sweet tea to calm my nerves...or to keep my mouth occupied so I                     don't yell the whole way home.
11:00 a.m. home, mac n' cheese lunch, potty break, add wood chips to smoker, wrangle three kids back into the car for post office #3

NOON (half way done...I can do this.)
Mac home for lunch/kids go run 250 laps around the back yard...

12:30 p.m. Swimming lessons (kids fall asleep as we pull in driveway)

2:00 p.m. pick up donated slabs of ribs from Country's BBQ...with all three kids. this is getting old.
2:30 p.m. Meet Mac at home, put kids down for MANDATORY naps, head downtown to film footage for Smoke-Off
3:30 p.m. Head to RSL Theatrical and pick up "boxing ring" for Smoke-Off
4:00 p.m. Pick up printed artwork from Staples

5:00 p.m. Home to take meat out of smoker 

5:30 p.m. Swim/Supper 

7:00 p.m. bedtime routine starts...this takes forever. 

8:30 p.m. Kids in bed, a little break to stare at TV and not think about anything at all. 

9:00 p.m. Finish laundry, clean kitchen, fold clothes, clean closet, return e-mails

Midnight...see you in 6 hours.

I don't care if you have 100 projects going on and you have 10 kids or if you have one kid and absolutely nothing else to do but love on that child...Moms are rockstars...and how in the world do you do all that you do? You just do. High Five! You can do it!! Mwah!

Memorial Day/Weekend

Happy Memorial Day, Y'all!!

It's such an honor, each May, to celebrate and remember the bravest folks in our great country. I can't help but think of all the young moms/Ranger wives stationed at Ft. Benning, who I see everyday at pre-school. They are all part of that awesome "family" that trains day in and day out to defend our freedom and chance to be whatever we want to be when we grow up. Thank you to those families who never quite know what next year will look like and as always, we are thinking of those who are no longer with us...

To celebrate, we've been busy smokin' all weekend! Smoking food, that is...The kiddos are completely water-logged from swimming in the lake, Mac smells like the smoker, and the weather is perfect... polar vortex who?! I love it! Here are a few pics from our weekend (so far). If it seems like we smoke food a lot...it's because we do...on beautiful days...when nobody wants to work hard to eat!! Kids are up from their naps...gotta run (literally) and see their fancy new pool tricks! Hope y'all are doing the same...or at least your version of good-long-weekend-livin'.

Get Smoked

I hinted that we have a lot coming up in June, and it's almost here! Here's a sneak peek at one of our fun events! I hope you'll keep up with us through the summer and come along for the virtual ride! 

May 30,  6:00-9:00 pm Uptown Columbus

I'm excited to co-host the last local event of May, kicking-off an exciting June! If you're in or around Columbus, head down to Broadway for what will be a big, fun smoky party (not that kind of smoke). John McLemore, Jamie Keating, and your's truly will be competing in Uptown's River City Smoke-Off to raise awareness (and cash mo-nay) for the Trinity Center for Women. Come down to Broadway and taste mouth-watering dishes (they'll literally make your mouth water...you might drool a little), all prepared in Masterbuilt electric smokers. Vote for the best dish and tip your favorite contestant! With a grill-master, an award-winning Chef, and a normal housewife who likes to cook/eat good food, there's sure to be something for everyone. Plus there's a raffle! Help us help the babies of the river region. Use #getsmoked and document the night! We'll be waiting for you in the "smoking-ring" on Broadway, near the big stage. Birmingham's Lava Lamp band will be there to get us all in the groove! 

Plummer, Party of Five

Happy Mother's Day to you, mamas! I got swept off my feet this weekend by Mac and the wild ones. We took an unplanned trip to Atlanta and enjoyed being together all five of us (there were a few times I was wondering when the babysitter would come out of her hiding place...she never did). We had fun and I...I mean the kids...survived. Here's a peek into my iPhone...

After 1,200 pit stops, we landed at Scott's. I found lots of wonderful things that I needed, like this little beauty. I came home with one fabulous cutting board. Don't ask me how this happened. The one day of the year I could get away with just about any purchase my heart desired...I'm a stupid woman. And Mac's a lucky man...we left with a $30 piece of wood instead of a new investment that could one day be passed down to our great-grand-son's wife. Oh well, there's always next month...

Then we spent half of our furniture savings at Crewcuts. Totally worth the joy on this diva's face. I'm so mad that I didn't video the catwalk/soul train dance moves that happened from the front door of J.Crew to the dressing room. WOW. That was a treat. Even better that her daddy joined in and shook it like he owned it right through a line of customers. Happy. mother's. day. to. me. 

Things got a little blurry as we all got sleepy...but we pressed on and made it to the fanciest food court dinner ever. 

                                         

Somehow, miraculously, most of us fell asleep. The next morning, after three cups of coffee, we didn't have the motivation to go to the cool place we had in mind, so we just drove. Coke Zero at McDonald's led us to a beautiful old neighborhood, which led us on a goose chase to find Justin Bieber's house (some things I can't explain), which led us to some mountain man store that wasn't open, which happened to be in the same parking lot as OK Cafe which turned out to be more than just OK. I think we'll find ourselves there again soon.

This was the perfectly unexpected and just-right mother's day weekend. These people wear me out and give me energy at the same time. Now that we're home, they're all asleep, snoring like a bunch of old men and I'm so thankful to have a need for earplugs.

Sweet Home...

I took a break last week to focus on a few upcoming projects...you'll hear more about that later!

In the meantime, I'm dying to tell y'all where I got to go over the weekend. The kids and I took a road trip to Montgomery, Alabama for something called Southern Makers. I was expecting a farmer's market type thing with people selling corn and painted picture frames. Boy, was I wrong! Union Station was packed with artisans, chefs, designers, letter-pressers, and more. Mind=Blown. Alabama has as much talent as the Gulf has salt! 

I won't tell you about every person/company I talked to, but there are a few I have to highlight so I can sleep tonight. Look them up, order their products, and if you're passing through the state at any point, take a pit stop and meet these fine, talented folks. Our family of five plans to do the same throughout the summer...another undertaking I'm milling through right now and will fill you in on along the way. 

1. front porch special- track it down and try a glass. I'm serious. NOW. go!!! best (non-traditional sweet) tea I've tasted. I've tasted a lot. Look for these guys in next month's Southern Living.

2. pickled shrimp- this spot was not around when I was in Montgomery, but one little bite did me in. I'm dying to go back and try the rest!

3. kale that made me want more kale- I tried what looked like crunchy seaweed but tasted sweet and spicy and wonderful. I don't know how they did it, but head to the beach and ask for some Kale at Fisher's!

4. Shirey made-from-scratch ice cream- You'll find us enjoying these guys' scoops at Billy Reid Shindig, this August. Their flavors depend on what's being grown locally at the time.

5. flavored goat cheese- The pimento (goat) cheese is addictive...

more highlights to come for the non-foodies out there! :)

FIVE PEOPLE TO KNOW

1. Mo   2. Rick Hall  3. American Sandlot Baseball 4. Ree Drummond 5. Libbie Summers

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE LEGS

I was by far the worst one on the golf range that day...for sure the palest golfer and no question the least educated golfer. However, by the end of my lesson, I could knock that ball right off its legs, as well as any of the men out there. (At least that's how I saw it).

My father-in-law was quick to point out that I hooked the ball in this video...but whatever!!! :)

I knew we'd get along well. We're both brunettes and we both hale from S.A. (South Africa and South Alabama). What more do you need?! Still, I was very nervous about this lesson! Everyone thinks highly of this guy, Mark Immelman. They talk about how he's from South Africa (with an accent to prove it) and that he has a good-looking family (it's true...he has three beautiful leading ladies) and how his brother, Trevor, won the green jacket a few years back.

My golfing adventure began in the club house at Bull Creek golf course, where a man tossed me a key then answered his phone. That was it. I wasn't sure what the key was for...Did I look like I needed to use the restroom? Was there some secret door to unlock? He caught wind I was confused and, holding the phone away from his mouth, directed me to "take the first cart and follow the path."

First I couldn't get the cart to start. Then I went down the wrong path...this is not how I saw this going. Eventually I made it to where I was supposed to be. I waved as if to say Hi, it's me...I made it. 

From across the lawn, Mark yelled, "Where are your clubs?" 

That moment you realize you left the (bleep) golf clubs in the back of your truck...

"Yeah! Be right back!" This was turning into a sitcom.

It crossed my mind, back at the truck, that this was my chance to escape to Starbucks and drown my humiliation in a very large iced latte.

I got my stuff together and made it back (ten of my thirty minutes were now up) and we got started. Mark asked me why I was there. I told him I had a blog called project-housewife and thought this would make for a good story (plus Mac would be thrilled if I knew the difference between a 9 iron and a non-iron). He announced to the rest of the students standing around that project-housewife was on the green. thanks. for that.

I was a little embarrassed, but I didn't actually whack him over the head like it looks in these pictures. Here we are doing wrist and forearm-strengthening exercises. Ladies, if you're going to use your man's clubs like I did (maybe you shouldn't, but if you do), holding the club out with a straight arm and making a rainbow with the club will help a lot. Forewarning...it ain't easy and you'll look awkward.)

Mark asked So why golf? That was a good question, but there was also a simple answer...If a girl wants a solid relationship with a guy, she should know at least one thing about this sport. He laughed and asked if I knew much about 'this sport.' Sure I do! There's a driver and every now and then you yell FOUR!! (No wait...my kids yell f-o-u-r when fighting over their ages. Golfers yell f-o-r-e. Got it.) 

We got down to business. I was expecting "shift your weight, keep your head down, follow through, etc..." Instead, he gave me one simple piece of advice: It's all about the legs. 

Instead of focusing on hitting the ball, he told me to try and knock two little invisible legs out from under the ball. The idea was that if I could clip the legs, the ball would follow. I thought that was pretty simple and a little less fancy than maybe I would've expected; But I did as he said and shockingly, after a few whiffs, I knocked that sucker off its legs, becoming the latest and greatest female golfer (in my immediate family). 

The rest of the lesson was spent practicing this concept. It worked every time. Amazing.

What in the world, Mark? You just stand there all relaxed and tell people to hit invisible legs...and they do...and then they make 'bank' winning tournaments all over the world. That's genius. I'm so glad we did this.  

In all seriousness, I honestly enjoyed the short amount of time I got to spend with Mark. It was not nearly as terrifying as I expected. I came into this thinking it was going to be a disaster; But by the time I left, I got why everyone's so enamored with taking lessons from him. He can turn a right-brained, skinny-legged, putt-putt golfer into someone who can fake it till she makes it (at least for 9-holes on date night).

If you're a blue-jean, bare-foot golfer like me (or if you, like, actually know stuff about golf), you can be sure that Mark will teach you how to up your game. His lessons are tough to snag, but if you plan ahead, I promise this would be a gift that your significant other (or you!) would not soon forget.

"Mark Immelman is a golfer. He can teach you to be one too." -http://markimmelman.com